Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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