wrigley field is MILF paradise
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
