Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
