guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
