you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
