So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
