just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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