lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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