Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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