Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
PANTIES FOUND
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize