god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
