My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
