You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
