Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
