My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
