Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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