is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
