I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
