We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
