no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
