Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
