Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
