are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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