so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
