She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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