I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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