I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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