I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
