i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
