If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I don't deserve a penis
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
