I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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