are you still at the devil's house?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
