i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My cat gives me a boner
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
