I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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