Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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