speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
