I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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