we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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