but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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