I wish I could teleport
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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