Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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