I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
