dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You peed on a flamingo?!?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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