New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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