just tell him i said nine months
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
