did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
