I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Small penises have feelings too.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
