Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
