I should be sponsored by Trojan
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
