well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
