Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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