i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
