This is not my ceiling
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
