I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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