I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize