I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
