you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just found a bag of teeth...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
