i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
