You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
