It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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