I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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