Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
