We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Barsexuality is the new black.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
