she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
