I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
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