he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
