Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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