How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
