The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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