I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
