I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize